There’s nothing quite like a Strawberry Moon in Capricorn on the one year anniversary of you graduating university to send you into a spiral of reflection over how you’ve been taking care of your business…
Life after graduating is a never ending series of not quite having the answers. It’s doing everything you possibly can for something better but collectively taking two steps back. It’s feeling lost physically, financially and ambitiously. It’s being so certain of something for three years to then realise your focus has shifted entirely. It’s not getting the job. It’s reshaping a new sense of security and sacrificing more than you ever thought you could. But one year on, one thing’s for sure: I am a hell of a lot more whole than I was a year ago.
I wrote on Instagram…"One year ago today I got to close one chapter of my life and open another through a simple but humbling handshake with Zandra Rhodes. I have been living unapologetically since that day…”
The reality is, I still don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I want in a career, in a home and in a lot of personal endeavours. But I have been riding the wave. I’ve been enjoying the view and actively participating in things that illuminate my sense of self. I’ve been living unapologetically in search of a fuller life. Trusting that if I continue to hard work and live passionately, I will arrive to where I need to be.
Everyone has completely different experiences and memories of their time at university - often with a defined expectation at the end. I loved my three years of studying Fashion Journalism but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t leave broken. I put on my best suit, bravest smile and collected my scroll but underneath I was an empty shell ridden with anxiety. The day I let university become a thing of yesterday was the first day I could breathe in a very long time. Fresh mornings of being able to live in harmony with my soul were in reach and I was ready to grasp every opportunity with arms wide open. I was tired but I was free.
And I don’t know a soul who hasn't felt like that coming out the other side. Even with the squeakiest clean record, you don’t tend to leave university without a sense of being able to finally better your life. There’s a lingering feeling of waiting towards the end. That if you could just hurry up and graduate already, then you could hurry up and start life on your own terms already.
To those throwing their mortarboards up in the air this summer, I ask you to breathe. Your career frustrations will dip and peak regardless of your efforts so just regain your goddamn lust for life whilst the rest figures itself out. Life becomes busy but it’s in these busy moments you realise who you want to spend your time with. Your pride faces knockdown after knockdown but it’s your chance to really sit with the person you are and thus who you want to be. Chances are, you're probably completely different to when you left home three years ago. Don’t let the unknown steal your chance to rediscover what makes you come alive.
There are times I wish you could go back for the sheer ease of it all but just from knowing what I know about myself now that I didn’t back then, not having all the answers is worth it, for now.