conscious women creating a full, meaningful life

My Story: Finding My Why

September 19, 2018

The most loving and healing thing I can do for myself is express my truth. And my truth is that of a near decade of inward reflection. I have been publishing, posting and creating for years, fine with my work speaking entirely for itself - myself, never a part of the picture. It’s been easier that way. Until now. Until the why. 


In 2016 I wrote:


“There have been a collection of occasions in my life that I haven’t been able to express verbally for whatever given reason. 


Growing up, my pen and paper, my typewriter, my blog and my website have been a crucial therapeutic element that have allowed my confidence to be stronger than the standing, walking, running (not so much) me.”


Whilst I undoubtedly meant those words exactly - I didn’t yet understand the extent to which why I meant them. 


A few weeks ago, I took to social media to introduce myself. It seemed like a strange thing to do considering I’ve been running Hook Magazine for years. But it suddenly dawned on me that I’d never once actually introduced who I was nor why I do what I do. Because recently, I’ve felt compelled to further explore my ‘why’. Why I write and why I create Hook Magazine. And I owe it to myself and to my readers to actually tell the story that drove me to begin in the first place.


So here’s my story…


When Ariel’s voice was taken by Ursula the Sea Witch, she had to get creative in order to communicate what she wanted and what she so needed others to know to stop her from drowning. When I felt like I’d lost my voice, I too had to find new ways to be able to share my story so I didn’t drown. And for me, that was in writing...


My name is Esme and I’m the Chief-Goddess behind Hook Magazine. I started Hook as a fashion blog back in 2012 and after 4 years of reporting on the side of the catwalk, I took the leap to making Hook a fully-fledged print publication in 2016.


This shake-up from fashion blog to spiritually-centred publication was motivated by a realisation that much of the politics around me (particularly in the fashion industry but also in my personal life) no longer aligned with the value system I was meticulously refining. I was developing a greater sense of what I believed in and viewing my self-worth with a much needed higher regard. I realised that the life I was leading did not completely satisfy nor work in harmony with these principles.


It probably came as a bit of a surprise to those that knew me back then to see the finished first issue - The Tarot Issue, as it wasn’t at all anything like my previous work nor had I really talked about the ‘mystical’ side of me to others. It was always something I kept to myself (thanks to an ex who once shamed me for “liking all that shit.”) But the Tarot came to me at that time in my life and I had to listen. It was the conduit from feeling unmatched in my own life to finding something that could truly light me up. I felt indebted to begin expressing subjects that mattered through this magical part of me that longed for more. A part that was always cheering for me in times where I otherwise felt hopeless. I knew that I could extend this spiritual, conscious lens to be of service to the cultural moment we’re currently in.


It became my goal to create a space, platform and magazine that invites others to go on a similar journey. To start looking at the world differently and start exploring how accessing your internal power can truly benefit the world. To let go of sadness, to begin healing trauma, and to unlock your potential for more in this lifetime - for yourself and others. Society often dons feeling “too hard” a weakness, but here, it’s your superpower. Hook is a space for those who don’t want to go about their feelings quietly. Because I no longer want to go about mine quietly. I want to use my story and my truth, to build a meaningful life and that’s entirely what I intend to do.


If you would like to read latest issue of Hook Magazine that explores the goddess archetype to better serve us as magical, 21st century women - you can do so here.




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