To feel comfortable in investing the time you need to get you where you want to be.
I’m neither here nor there. My liminality etched on the lips of everybody's questions. Destinations remain the epoch of success whilst the crossing ceases to exist once executed. I made a promise to myself that whenever I receive a lacklustre filler of “what do you want to do with your life” and the varying sequences of such - that roll off just anybody’s tongue to dissolve a moment of unwanted silence, I would say, “be happy”.
The intimacy of aspirations feel fractured upon the invasion of passersby proposing you recite them. It will in no way corrupt nor complete Louise from Year 10 History to know you are searching every part of your soul to find a goldmine to write a book. But it may fracture you. There becomes a limit to the number of times you can explain to someone who doesn't know you, what you are trying to achieve before you’ve desensitised it to a point beyond meaning. Dreams don’t come easily sharable. It’s a process of selection with whom we dare share our wildest hopes and wishes for the future because any sign of discouragement or shortage of enthusiasm is one thing that can crush us completely. Who are we without our dreams?
The expectation of filling your life up, step by step of any completion of the prior requires movement. But earth already does that for us. Breathe. I cannot launch a space shuttle without doing my food shop first.
Once people have reached a place of fulfilment, they forget that other people’s dreams don’t just happen overnight. We nurture, cry with them, make sense of the bits that aren't important and we imbue the parts our heart desires. Let me be the phoenix I know to be roaring in my viscera by allowing me to do just that.
If you want to talk about a place I’m heading, remove the pretence that I’m not doing enough to get there. If this were your journey I wouldn't be telling you it’d be quicker to take the tube when you’re walking to enjoy the view. They say good things take time so why do we have to be exceeding in the next chapters of our lives when we’re still reeling from the last. We’re all supposed to be doing and doing some more. We’re left behind if we haven't made the next big career leap before we know which way we’re headed. Everyone expects everyone to know. I want to scream “I DON’T KNOW.” I thought the hare and the tortoise was a story everybody understood.
You aren't sidestepping or moving backwards. In life you can only accelerate. Most people are only interested; so speak your truth. Yes, I am going to take that trip to that place that in no way relates to my intended career. Yes, I am going to take time to know myself and my needs. Yes, I am doing the best I can for the best me.
Watch me creep up behind you into that landing seat I’ve been surveying all this time.