conscious women creating a full, meaningful life

Sitting with Darkness (Even on the Lightest Day of the Year)

June 21, 2018

It’s the Summer Solstice and evidently the day with as much light in the waking world as there can be in one single year. But what I’ve realised more than ever during this time of light, is that normal waking life as a multifaceted being, isn’t all love and all light all of the time. 


This is a discourse that many have brought to light (ironically) in recent months - the belief that we should only be projecting happiness, positivity and light all the time. That it isn’t ‘spiritual’ or ‘enlightened’ to talk about darkness because to talk about darkness will only empower it - a vibe we shouldn't be spreading when we can instead choose to focus on the optimistic. And I do believe it’s important to try and make the most of the cards you’ve been dealt and show up to your life with as much love as possible, but what I’m so increasingly learning with coming out of dark days myself, is to instead, empower your truth - whether that be light or dark. Not shunning or shutting out the darkness but choosing to sit with it. Because to accept darkness with grace is to surrender without fear. And without fear, you’re already choosing to dim the dark and sit with the confidence that the light too shall present itself again. 


My reoccurring problem has always been accepting darkness and more specifically, when to let it win. When I come to a halt in the working day and my brain isn’t quite materialising to action, I can’t get an idea out or I simply feel overwhelmed with the world, I struggle to surrender. I can’t concentrate to work and I damn well know it but god-forbid the guilt I know would creep in if I choose to excuse myself from slaving away my mind’s desire to create. And so I persevere. I carry on the fight between my head and my capacity because I must not let the dark win. 


I continue consumed with the notion everybody else is capable all of the time. The highlight reel filtering through productivity and as much motivation as motivation can be. It feels hard to sit with your darkness when the rest of the world seems so damn bright.


And it often takes hours of resistance and the same old interventions before I realise, I can’t be superwoman every single day. I am not a machine, I cannot function day-in day-out without nuance. Sometimes it’s just a little bit harder to get out of bed.


But what I continue to recognise is that it’s more useful to be real than to fight myself into exhaustion on days where my needs require duality. Surrendering I believe, is one of the most loving and respectful acts you can do for yourself on the days you don’t feel so wonderful.


The only way I can find light tomorrow, is to act for my authentic self today.


Happy Summer Solstice everyone!



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