It’s an overwhelming sensation - feeling like you have so much to do that you don’t know where to begin. Evidently getting nowhere with your day. I’m currently having one of those days. I’m inspired and I’m excited and I’m scared and I’m nervous and I’m full of feeling. But I’m stuck. It isn’t so much ‘writer’s block’, it’s more of an anxiety to cross the start line. It’s being jumbled with trying to manage, arrange, organise and complete too many things at once. I make lists, write schedules but life doesn’t work by linear plans. Emails come in that you have to answer which then hinder your detailed daily plan. You suddenly need to pop out to a meeting which then means you have to find hours and days to pluck from thin air to make up for the time lost.
Time’s the thing. It’s a nuisance of a thing but it’s a thing. It demands you learn compromise but not enough of it to be walked all over. It reminds you that when you need it the most - for whatever reason, it’ll slip through your fingers. They say time is a construct but when living in a society that’s based solely around constructs - with no escape from them, why do we even bother saying so? No matter how little it is a thing that *actually* exists, it’s valuable. Time is valuable. Time is money. It’s the difference between finishing a book and actually having it published. Cooking a meal and actually getting round to eating it. But we seem to measure time as a half empty glass. It’s a denominator to everything we touch; turning nothing golden but the unfinished, undone and unsuccessful. We say, “I didn’t finish that today”, “I still haven't done that” or “I’ll do that tomorrow” and in turn, let time wash over our lives like rain that just won’t stop pouring. We notice time’s value and it manipulates us. We’re afraid of growing old or not adding enough substance to our lives during this short span we have on earth that it’s overwhelming. (See back to first paragraph). And when we’re overwhelmed, we’re not making the most of the opportunity and uncertainty time has in store for us…
We freely give our time to people who take it for granted, offer our services for less than we get back and reward ourselves with barely any time exclusively to ourselves. If you had no obligations, no work or appointments, how would you spend your time? Doing more of the things you love, I presume. It seems to be the answer many of us set as resolutions. “Do more of the things I love’. And so why do we never get there? Because time shoves our loves, our passions, to the bottom of the list. Because in a world that binds us by duties to just survive, time really does equate to nothing because we aren't free to truly use it as we please. If we were free, time would be everything. So really what I’m saying, it’s not time to make more time. It’s time to make yourself free.
Free to live a life of wonder and fulfilment. Free to not succumb to the pressures of time. We’re never going to be able to drop all of our responsibilities. Even if we all quit our jobs and moved to anywhere in the world that our heart's desired, we’d still have to make decisions based around how to live a life to our definition of ‘free’. But we can prescribe tiny drops of freedom to our everyday; making the seasons move along with more ease and us breathe with more intent. By saying no, by choosing intuitively, by living for yourself. By truly living by your unique intentions. Because if you make decisions for who you are entirely, time becomes more meaningful. And when something becomes more meaningful, you’re less likely to feel trapped by it. The secret to freedom is not to try and beat things or break them down, it’s to work with the elements and conjure up a life good enough to not want to escape it. It’s to make every second count until you’re not counting at all. The more we choose how we spend our time for ourselves, the more we are free from it.